I’ll be honest, that picture above was from the beginning of last season, I struggled a lot, mentally, Physically I was in the best shape of my life, Mentally I was a mess, I knew as soon as I got into the groove, I would be happy, but it was a struggle just to pack my gear and go, a long time sufferer of anxiety, it was a struggle to pack my gear, to drive to a mountain, and even get there, I just could not understand, anxiety was so bad at one point, work moved me to an office 2 miles away, I would get dizzy during the drive, vertigo would kick in, heart beats faster, and faster, I really didn’t understand it, I was seeing a therapist, and I had to challenge my self every second, every minute, to continue to enjoy life once again, some of you will know the struggle, while others won’t understand it, rarely talked about in snowsports, we mostly talk about the snowsport wins, not the mental wins, the battle that keeps from progressing, your own worst enemy, they say there is no worst thing then being a prisoner of one’s own mind, and they are not wrong, but I come to you with complete honesty of how this battle was won, and the continue to fight the mental barriers, “break the mental barriers and you have already won the physical” I’m not your therapist or your doctor, but I share my story knowing I am putting myself out there, all of hopes of reaching that one person, while educating the rest….
The First Battle to Win, Myself…..
So I won’t go into detail, if you want me too then dm me on twitter at @tech_rob, the real story is I built this online persona on twitter that people loved, “this guy had the life, he skied over 50 days a season, traveled, and lived the best life” what you didn’t know was that the season after, I struggled to get out my front door, the anxiety would give me every reason to stay indoors, while my inner self was screaming to get on the mountain, certain days I won, certain days I did not win, The impending doom that I created was certain and took me over, swallowed me whole, skis on the truck rack and yet “I just couldn’t today”. Anxiety 1, Rob-0.
The Leap of Faith
What I realized was that past trauma was creeping up, some of it snowsports related, most of it was not, most of it was working through unresolved issues, regrets, and believing in that one person that could overcome all obstacles, me. I was unhappy for a lot of reasons, most of all I was disappointed in the person that one person that would make everything right once and for all, myself……I didn’t ask for anxiety or depression, but it was here to stay, I had to deal with the biggest problem of that was me…..
Well welcome back! A leap of faith from the darkside into the light, the things I refused to face were killing me, the things I refused to work through were killing me, it’s true that in skiing a mountain the only thing you have to worry about is making your next turn, but after that what is in your mind still exists, it may be a temporary relief, but it does not have to be, talk to somebody make your relationship with yourself a positive one, my therapist told me a long time ago, he said” stand naked and turn around in the mirror, if you see one ass and it’s yours, that is the only one you need to take care of first, otherwise you won’t be able to take care of anyone else”……..
The Final Word
Welp this year I know my self, I know what I have gained, and what I have lost, I will tell you, money will not buy you happiness, nor will fame or fortune, overcome the inner battles and know you, anxiety and depression is not talked about enough in snowsports, and I share my story to bring it to light, it’s the small wins that we build off of and count, whether it’s that call mending relationships, or the green groomer we rip with the beginner, happiness exists, but first you must find it within yourself, I spent most of my life searching for it, when it was in front of me the whole time….
National Suicide Hotline-dial 988, I was there friends, we have lost too many, get help, please🙏🏻