I Am Not O.K.

Mental Health and Snowsports

So as I caught up on podcasts today, I was listening to Adam of @outofpodcast, what I really like about the pods I listen too is a wide range of topics, one topic continues to hit the home front, hits me dead square in the balls all the time, Adam said “it’s fine to say “I am Not O.K.”, being a sufferer of anxiety and depression since the youngest I can remember it always hits home with me, one of my outlets is the outdoors, and of course skiing, the stoke of a crisp morning, and old independent resort, ripping ice to crud, and I was never alone with skiing, it was so freeing, the stoke was real, the feeling of only worrying about your next turn and nothing else at that moment, and after, the friends you make, new and old, recapping a great ski day is just priceless, but it’s also a return to things in reality, and sometimes that reality hits hard….

Reality Sucks But You Can’t Escape it Forever…

Cannon Mountain, NH

So this season really gave me anxiety and depression, I tend to set an expectation for myself and live to that plan, and that plan always doesn’t work out, false resort starts, late starts, oh man, mountains not fully open, I usually start skiing in November, but while most shrug it off, I obsess over it, and it gets me nowhere quick, 2 years of dealing with this covid shit, a divorce, my parents are not doing all that well, my sister needs help, and a worker shortage leads to denied ski days and ski vacations, divorce leads to financial problems, and extra expenses, I’m in a hole pass wise, divorce wise, selling my house, work blows, oh man I could go on and on, but still I wake up and walk into the mouth of hell, and march on, somehow, just existing, while my girlfriend and her kids keep me grounded, and weekends on snow, I can’t help but think when is this nightmare going to end, it couldn’t possibly get any worse🤷‍♂️And then, then After 2 years, I get fucking covid right before my NH and VT ski trip, I was devastated, but these are what we call superficial expectations, I didn’t think or the monkey wrench that could be thrown, or anything else, this was my on time to escape, and now it’s gone, my first thought was fuck skiing, fuck everybody, give up, the truth is I was never like that, I don’t have to trust the first thought that comes to mind, as A matter of fact I never gave up on anything on life, why should I now🤷‍♂️

Making the best of a bad situation

Me in my bronco🤷‍♂️

OK so things didn’t work out like they were supposed to, there are two people in this life, those that speak it, and those that do it, so make it happen, #getoutside, get some help, I see a Therapist, and I am not ashamed to say I do so, maybe thats your thing, maybe it’s not, all good, but I’m here to tell my experience hoping to reach somebody, before something else is the last resort, because it’s not, talk to somebody, your never alone, these were my struggles and it goes deeper, I don’t want to get into it, but reach out, have those hard conversations, it can only do you good. One thing still lingers and thats O.K., is that “I am not O.K.” and that’s fine….

And if you need help right away reach out to me to anybody but here is the National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255, @tech_rob on twitter Snowsports can help, but so can talking to people, I leave you with that……..

6 thoughts on “I Am Not O.K.

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